Love in Your Dish?

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." And so begins Leo Tolstoy's, Anna Karenina, a masterpiece that relayed and exposed certain universal truths about the human condition, even in its opening line. 

Fast forward a few centuries later to late 19th century Burgundy, France - where Brillat Savarin that gastronomic sage and gourmand astutely observed and concluded that, "The way in which mealtimes are passed is most important to what happiness we find in life." I think Tolstoy would agree that how a family breaks bread is not only connected to their physical well being, but also their happiness both as individuals and as a collective unit. 

The table does come first as Adam Gopnik's latest homage to France and its long-standing traditions both haute and basic observes - as long as it welcomes a meal which includes participants - whether its newlyweds, an old couple, or a raucous family (I am thinking of my own lovely lot). If they can learn to dine with one another, they can learn to enjoy the food and each other's company.

It is fair to say that some meals are painful - I have been there and have chosen to block them out of my own memory. But for the most part, they have forced me to forget myself and to remember others, to learn how to listen, to talk with both adults and children. My family is far from perfect, but one thing I have observed is our enduring ability to still have a proper dinner and to talk and to laugh. There can be great magic at a meal- if you choose to truly participate. Like a Babette's Feast it can enliven the shyest soul ( sometimes with the aid of a glass of wine), enable that irritable grumpy self to shine, and instead, listen, talk, observe, as we eat and drink. 

It's a pause in the day's endless montage of busy nothings. Such a meal is freeing, but more importantly, I think -no, I am convinced as a veteran of the family meal, teaches us how to love - both food and people. To separate the two will only lead to unhappiness - like any divorce or familial separation, nourishment is dependent on two variables - nutrition and the nurturer. Their connection to one another is invaluable and certainly a life-giving force. To separate them goes against the grain. 

To conclude, "breaking bread" is no fire and brimstone stunt. It has real stock value and demonstrates that sharing food with one another, whether it is a simple bowl of soup, a hunk of crusty bread, and a glass of wine can truly nourish the soul. It is civilizing, but more importantly stimulating - both our need for love and our capacity to give it. It is as MFK Fisher beautifully asserted, "Love in a dish."

There can be no warm, rich home-life anywhere else if it does not exist at table, and in the same way there can be no enduring family happiness, no real marriage, if a man and woman cannot open themselves generously and without suspicion one to the other over a shared bowl of soup as well as a shared caress. 

I concur. Santé. 

 

 

Comments

[Carly]

Hi Molly,

I've recently become fascinated with locally-sourced food and the Slow Food movement, and as I was doing research this morning, the University of Gastronomic Sciences website linked to your blog.

I love your definition of nourishment as "nutrition and the nurturer," as it encompasses the scientific and sentimental components of the word in a profound, poetic manner.

Carly

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